My husband and I had our first date on July 2. We are both activists and we met volunteering at what used to be the Atlanta Gay and Lesbian Center. He was the librarian there and I was running support groups. Activism has been a huge part of both of our lives, and as we are getting older, I seem to get even more militant around what I call any type of “othering.”
There are times when I really do feel bad for my husband. I think I have a tendency of zapping any pleasure from watching television, or movies, or social media. My vigilance around issues of feminism, homophobia, racism, and the intersections of oppression can, at times, make people want to slap me bald. I would like to say that being in social work school has made me this way, but let’s face it, for those that know me, I have been this way for the past 25 years.
The above cartoon, sent to me by my friend Katherine, a strong feminist and LGBT ally, and my husband interrupting my tirade while watching Chopped made me reflect on my militancy. It is very hard not to notice the misogyny on Chopped–I’m just saying. Of course, while on one of my many tirades, my husband looked at me and said: “Can we please just enjoy the show, please? Can you not be a social worker all the time?”
Of course, I’m grateful that we are both passionate about social justice and that my life partner (since we are not legally allowed to get married yet) just “gets me,” as I understand him. It is magical and wonderful to have been with someone so long that there is a history created, a type of palimpsest–I know he will always be next to me:
Never in my life have I met someone like him
I’m blown away by his love for me
If you ever wonder where it is you’ll find him
You will find him, you will find him next to me
Our move out west has been fraught with a great many frustrations and now with no money and no employment we both are trying to re-invent ourselves. I suspect what prevents each of us from having a total meltdown is that we at least have each other during this journey which is both bizarre and rewarding. Sometimes we just get lucky and we know it is The Right Thing to Do.
Congratulations!!!
Thank you!
Oh and the comic sums up how I live my life now….It makes me feel smart but I spend a lot of time not enjoying myself
Yes, the comic is way too on the spot, but reminds me to laugh at myself.
Beautiful tribute that I am sure your husbund appreciates. It can be tough to be married to an activist sometimes but we all know the rewards far outweight the price!
Jenni,
Thank you. I’m grateful we are both activist and I’m grateful that I have a spouse that helps me laugh at myself.
Oh I love you both! Michael, I am sure anyone I hang out with can relate to Robert’s pain!
Congratulations you two!
Christine,
Thank you, dear heart. Thank you for also making me feel safe to say how much I love and adore you!
Congratulations!
I hope the day was filled with love and peace.
It was filled with both love and peace, thank you!
Congratulations to both of you lovely fellas.
This might be an insensitive or impractical suggestion given your economic situation, but legally marrying in a jurisdiction that allows it isn’t a ridiculous notion, is it? It seems like it would make for a fun day-trip to Washington state, should Washington voters affirm marriage equality in November. Who needs bells and whistles when a judge, a witness or two, and a legal document would suffice?
Dan Savage occasionally uses the acronym HICBIA to describe his huuuusband (Dan invariably draws out the word, to comic effect): Husband in Canada, Boyfriend in America. Robert could be, legally speaking, your HIWBIO–Husband in Washington, Boyfriend in Oregon. Huuuuuubio or Huuuuuhhhhbio, both have a certain ring to them.
Jay,
Thank you for your heartfelt congratulations. Let’s hope Washington really does pass Marriage Equality–it would be great to have Michael and Tam stand up for us in a court with a judge.po
I will give you full points for comedy: having Robert as my husband in Washington, my boyfriend Oregon, and he would have to be my “roommate” in the South.
happy anniversary! and leave robert alone when you are watching television. its exceedingly small screen already makes it difficult enough.
Not all of us can have a tv the size of a house! I think that was a very classist comment on your part, with ageist undertones.
i’ll admit to the ageist undertones…but not the classist. you could well afford a larger screen if you’d reduce your monthly booze intake by 5%, or even just opted for some lower-shelf items….
Look here, “Judgy Mc Judge.” All we can afford now is a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20. I always knew you were classist and ageist. Now if you will excuse me, I have a long day ahead of me rummaging through trash cans for partially filled liquor bottles.