Oh my! Poor old, sad old, dear old Mitt. Bless his heart. He just can’t seem to remember what he said, where he was, or what he believes in at any given moment. I know his detractors will simply dismiss him as a sexist, egotistical, lying hypocritical bigot, as though he were Mr. Hart from 9 to 5. Perhaps the poor dear really does not remember what he believes from day to day and he is not lying?
Here I shall endeavor to try to help poor old, sad old Mitt. Dear heart, you said that you had retired from Bain Capital in 1999. You stated this on August 12, 2011. However, Bain Capital filed documents with the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) as late as 2002 reporting that you were the ”sole stockholder, chairman of the board, chief executive officer, and president” of the company. Massachusetts financial disclosure forms also report that you earned at least $100,000 as a Bain “executive” in 2001 and 2002 and owned 100% of the company as of 2002. Oh mercy! Well this certainly does not look good. I’m not quite sure how to spin this one for you Mitt, so let us leave this ugliness and try to help you out of some other bits of confusion. We wouldn’t want the American people to think they were electing a liar as the leader of the Free World, now would we? Maybe we could call you a Pioneer–yeah, that’s the ticket. As early as 1985 you were buying up vulnerable companies, gutting them, firing all of the American employees and then setting up shop in other countries–you were just a pioneer for outsourcing.
As a gay man, I was glad to see that as early as 1994 you reported that you would be “the most friendly LGBTQ supporter.” Of course, I’m a mite confused here in 2012 when you signed a pledge that would eliminate any rights I would have as a gay man here in the United States–so much for the 14th Amendment. Oops, I’m not sure how to navigate you out of this mess either, Mitt. Let us move on to another issue where I’m sure I can be of some help.
In 1994, you said you believed that all women should have the legal right to an abortion and you supported Roe v. Wade. Now in 2012, you said “the next step is to overturn Roe v. Wade.” Well dagnab it. I’m not quite sure how to get you out of this lie either. Let us move on to something far easier where I’m certain I can help you.
Earlier in 2011, you stated that President Obama was “copying” your idea for the health care plan you designed for the state of Massachusetts. Now in 2012 you refer to the Affordable Health Care Act as “Obamacare” and tell us that it is bad news and you will work to repeal what the U.S. Supreme Court has sanctioned. Well, who cares if millions of Americans can’t afford health care? As some folk at one of the debates you were at said, “Let him die!” Strangely you did not address this cheer for death. Okay, so I’m having trouble getting you out of this particular spot as well.
On a more positive note for you, at least you have an enormous fortune backing you. Most of the Wall Street Big Boys are throwing millions of dollars your way. That pesky Supreme Court did you one favor with Citizens United and let shady corporate donations fund your SuperPACs without anyone knowing where the money comes from. Maybe you can just buy yourself the Presidency. But do you think you could stick with just one version of yourself for four whole years?