Poor Romneybot 2012! He can’t seem to calibrate his circuits for the correct response to anything these days. After weeks of his Mendacity and Obfuscation Routines failing to defuse his tax situation, he decided it was time to flee the country. His Safety and Secrecy Protocol directed him to either Switzerland or the Cayman Islands, but his Invasive Media Sensor indicated that this would only inflame the situation he was trying to avoid. Fortunately his Best Olympics Ever 2o00 memory implant sensed an upcoming games and he decided to journey to London (as the 1% are able to travel like this). Perhaps the more proper English spoken there would disguise his faulty language generator! He strapped Ann onto the top of a private jet and away they went. Sadly, his Social Miscue Engine kicked in, and the trip has been a disaster.
How big a disaster? On his second day a new hash tag showed up on Twitter: #romneyshambles. After the media released a clip of Mitt saying London didn’t seem ready for the Olympics, Mayor Boris Johnson laid into him in front of a crowd of 60,000. He bumbled a secret meeting with British Intelligence, refered to the dwelling at 10 Downing St. as a “backside” and forgot the name of a key politician when speaking to him on camera. Every bit the aloof, prevaricating, hypocritical, ugly American he’s shown since starting his campaign, he’s cast deep doubts on his ability to handle foreign relations even with one of our staunchest allies.
The conservative British tabloid The Daily Mail, never a big supporter of the U.S. at the best of times, has had a #romneyshambles tweet-fest with the visit. A few especially lovely examples include:
- Diplomacy Romney style: casts doubt on Britain’s Olympic preparations; says last thing he wants is for US to be like Europe. Way to go Mitt!
- Do we have a new Dubya on our hands?
- Serious dismay in Whitehall at Romney debut. ‘Worse than Sarah Palin.’ ‘Total car crash’. Two of the kinder verdicts.
- Another verdict from one Romney meeting: ‘Apparently devoid of charm, warmth, humour or sincerity.’
I guess this is what you get when your top foreign policy advisors are Dick Cheney and John Bolton.
Of course the Mitt-droid was able to activate his Faux News Defense Broadcast. The GOP Network has tried to stir up a bizarre meme that the Brits should be nicer to Romney because…he might be President someday. REALLY? Maybe ol’ Mitt ought to try to be Presidential overseas if he wants that wish to come true. In Romney’s defense, his Time Perception Meter has been off for years; he can’t remember when he left Bain Capital, when he started the Olympics, or when to file his taxes. Maybe he thought this was 1812 and he was on enemy soil.
Whatever the case, Romney is once again faring poorly when compared to President Obama. Comparing the London debacle with then-candidate Obama’s overseas trip in 2008, The National Journal came up with this headline: Romney Abroad – Candidate Obama Did It Better In 2008. Ouch. That has to hurt Mitt’s one feeling. He should cheer up, though; he’ll be leaving Britain soon, and off to Israel and Poland. What could go wrong there?