History Bachmann Style: A 4th of July Tale

4 Jul

It is nice to see so many rich white faces here today

Here is the story of the 4th of July back in 1776.  At this point in time we were at war with the British armies under King Henry VIII.  The Native Americans invited us all over to share their land and run a collaborative government. Our Founding Fathers “wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.”

Of course the Founding Fathers also spent a great deal of time talking about how women were far too stupid to make decisions over their own bodies and so we want to prevent:

someone’s 13-year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus? That night, mom and dad are never the wiser.

Lest we forget that at that famous meeting between Paul Revere, George Washington, and Jesse Jackson, it was decided that,

Not all cultures are equal…It is horrific to know that in the African American community, 50 percent of all African American pregnancies in the United States end in abortion, 50 percent. That is a genocide of African Americans of the United States. It should not be. There are Americans all across this country who would love to adopt African American babies, but they can’t because 50 percent of all African American pregnancies today are ending in abortion.

The  Continental Congress spent most of its time talking about “The Homosexual” problem:

And what a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it…Normalization (of gayness) through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders, is take a picture of ‘The Lion King’ for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.

Finally when many of these big decisions were made by Continental Congress, the baby Jesus let down his hair from the Capitol and proclaimed that the United States was his favorite country and we were now all free and would be treated equally.  Happy 4th of July. Click here and click here for my sources.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: