Romney, Man of Mittstery!

1 Nov

Presto! Changeo! Pay no attention to the candidate in front of the curtain…

With less than a week to go before Election Day, you would think that the challenger would be doing everything he could to clarify and push his positions. Not the mysterious Mr. Romney! In the past month he has given precisely one interview (a five-minute puff piece with Newsmax); he has answered exactly ZERO questions from the press pool that travels with him. All his statements are carefully prepared and scripted. The situation became so absurd during this week’s FEMA questions that a frustrated reporter exclaimed:

Governor, you’ve been asked 14 times, why are you refusing to answer the question?

Of course, in that case silence probably made more sense than admitting that he would gut the Agency that was actually helping millions of people…

Another reasonable explanation is that he simply isn’t able to remember what he’s supposed to say anymore without a script. Romney (destroyer of civil rights and social justice) has changed his positions on so many things so many times during his campaign that keeping track of what he’s pandering this week must be a real struggle. And imagine if he told folks in Ohio the lies he was saving for Florida. How embarrassing would that be? Bless his little heart.

Romney’s reticence coupled with his debate duplicity has journalists (finally) calling him out on a regular basis. His lies about Chrysler’s plans to offshore Jeep production brought howls of derision from reporters and flat, substantiated denials from the company. Even on script he’s still getting into trouble.

Sadly, even his spokespeople can’t be counted on. When former Sen. Norm Coleman (R – MN) stumped for Romney at the Republican Jewish Coalition, he tried to reassure them that a Romney administration wouldn’t be ruled by GOP right-wing fundamentalists. His example? Romney’s stand on abortion, you know, the one that he only expresses when another Republican says something insane about rape. Poor ol’ Norm, however, got caught in the standard speaking for Romney trap and had to walk back his vague comments, reminding reporters that he was “speaking for Norm Coleman” while he campaigned…(wait for it)…for Mitt Romney.

The only way we will ever know what a President Romney would actually do is if by some misfortune we get stuck with one. I think I can live with the mystery.

5 Responses to “Romney, Man of Mittstery!”

  1. Jani November 1, 2012 at 7:11 am #

    I prefer mystery over knowledge myself.

    • Michael Hulshof-Schmidt November 1, 2012 at 7:13 am #

      Most certainly, I would prefer our Mitt to stay mysterious than to become a reality.

      • Tom McCollin November 1, 2012 at 9:15 am #

        I usually loooove a good mystery! But this mystery would be beyond contempt and better left alone….in his own room with crayons, and a juice box and his favorite jammies and surrounded by nice soft padded walls.

      • Michael Hulshof-Schmidt November 1, 2012 at 1:11 pm #

        Isn’t it sad when a mystery has so much potential to turn into a horror story? I love your crayons and juice box image!

      • Jani November 1, 2012 at 9:39 am #

        From your fingers to dear sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus’s wee little ears.

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