A friend of mine, whom I shall call Estelle, follows my blog and was elated to see that I was celebrating LGBT History Month. I have known Estelle for over two years now, but never knew that she had tried to commit suicide. As an out lesbian and sensitive soul, she was feeling crushed by the negative messages all around her.
Estelle relayed this story to me and asked that I keep her real identity in confidence, but she hopes, as do I, that her story will be of help to other middle aged people as they embrace their sexual orientation with pride and not shame. Estelle has children and parents who are now very supportive, but she does not want them to know that the pressures of society caused her suicide attempt.
Before I moved to Portland I was walking out the door with a garden hose in my hand, Was headed down to the lake to kill myself. I stopped because my friend Lana called me as I was walking out the door. I stopped to talk to her and before I knew it was 45 minutes later. And I had forgotten why I was holding a garden hose.
After living in Portland for a couple of years. I went back to that small town and stopped by to see her. I told her the story and we just sobbed.
Now I know I am suppose to be here–to be alive…
I can’t even imagine this world with out Estelle. She has dedicated her life to helping other LGBT people and she models pride in being who she is: a wonderful and beautiful lesbian. Sadly, there are too many LGBT folk who do commit suicide. Again, I would love to see a Make It Get Better Campaign, rather than It Gets Better Campaign. We need to put the onus on the dominant culture, which means making laws and policies that create a level playing field, which we are far from having. Estelle asked that the following link be included. Thank you, Estelle! If you, or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please contact the Trevor Project.