Pope Francis Taking Catholics Back to the 14th Century

22 Jul
What Would Chaucer Say?

What Would Chaucer Say?

On July 5, 2013 Pope Francis and Pope Benedict issued a joint encyclical condemning marriage equality. Who better to give advice than two single bachelors who have never had sex? Their joint homophobic rant went on for 82 pages as they were frothing at the mouth thinking about gay sex.

Apparently, the anti-gay stand did not go far enough to prove how UN-Christian the Catholic Church has become.  Now, Pope Francis has donned the wardrobe of the Pardoner from Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, selling indulgences.  Yes, welcome back to the 14th Century.  Pope Francis announced that if we follow him on Twitter we can get an indulgence: he will reduce the time Catholics have to spend in purgatory. If this does not send millions of folk to see the Pope’s Twitter, I don’t know what will.  Oh my goodness, that did not sound proper at all.

I also hear that he is willing to sell an actual piece of the cross to the highest bidder.  I wonder about all of the priests that were molesting children.  Do they too receive a “get out of purgatory” card if they follow the Pontiff on twitter? How long before my local priest can start selling indulgences and pardons?  Can I pay for these indulgences and pardons on-line?  Does the Pope/god take credit cards?

It almost makes sense for the leader of a group of millions to try the newest tools to reach his flock where they are. When all you do is use new toys to play old games while you ignore the larger issues, however, there is something horribly wrong. We desperately need a counterbalance to this craziness. How about @Chaucer and the Canterbury Tweets?


10 Responses to “Pope Francis Taking Catholics Back to the 14th Century”

  1. Central Oregon Coast NOW July 22, 2013 at 8:15 am #

    Reblogged this on Central Oregon Coast NOW.

  2. dykewriter July 22, 2013 at 10:37 am #

    back to? when did they leave it?

    • Michael Hulshof-Schmidt July 22, 2013 at 1:18 pm #

      Nina, that’s fair. 🙂

      • dykewriter July 22, 2013 at 1:34 pm #

        Well, when the last one wore Prada and announced his plan to bring all 37,000 sects of Christendom back under his heel

        I was surprised given his Hitler Youth past that more people weren’t concerned about it

        as much as relieved that the even more extreme conservative one from Africa didn’t get it

        It’s too bad the Montreal Canada candidate was a bridesmaid twice

      • Michael Hulshof-Schmidt July 22, 2013 at 1:55 pm #

        I do wonder if it is possible within my lifetime that the Catholic Church will enter the 21st Century?

  3. Sara July 22, 2013 at 12:17 pm #

    Excellent, Michael the Humble! Right on the Money! (Oops!)

  4. Jennifer Carey July 22, 2013 at 3:38 pm #

    Okay, first of all, I always look to elderly men that have never been married (and frequently are themselves closeted) for all of my relationship advice.

    Secondly, 82 pages?! What could they have to say for 82 pages?! Seems like a statement they could have issued in a memo: “Catholic church doesn’t like homo’s getting married. See previous 8,000,000 memos…”

    • Michael Hulshof-Schmidt July 22, 2013 at 8:24 pm #

      Jennifer, thank you for making me laugh. I fear the duo Popes seem to deprive me of my sense of humor.

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